Who Doesn't Matter?

"Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Bernard Baruch

I really hate this quote. It sounds all fine and "I'm above caring what other people think." That sort of thing, but I really hate it. I hate it because everyone matters. Everyone. Everyone is trying, with varying degrees of effort, to be a good person or live a happy life, or get recognition or money, or just be noticed by one person. Or just to get through the day without bursting into tears or crawling back into bed hours before bedtime. Everyone is trying. It's part of being human that we try. I also hate this quote because aren't we all, at some time in our lives, the one who doesn't matter? Sometimes we're just plain clumsy. Sometimes we are intentionally catty. Sometimes we are judgmental with limited information. Sometimes we're judgmental with all the information. Sometimes we are just trying so hard and struggling with our own lives that we unintentionally hurt those around us...and thus become someone who doesn't matter to someone else. (Here's a quick disclaimer: This sounds all righteous and loving and charitable, but believe me -- I'm not always like this. Case in point: I almost rammed my car into the back of another last week while in a flaming bad mood. I didn't like his bumper sticker. It simply read: "boobies." Give me a break -- I'm trying too. :))

I guess this has all come on as a result of hearing that one of my amazing and wonderful friends feels like she has hurt one of her close friends beyond repair. That hurts me because maybe now she has become the one that doesn't matter to that friend. If that's the case, I don't matter to a lot of people. Don't even get me started on my high school friends who had to put up with my erratic mood swings, the odd and unbalanced behavior of my manic-depression surfacing, the petty judgements I made of them because I was young and naive -- you get the picture. And then my college years when I was fighting taking responsibility for myself and growing up. Or my early married years when I was trying to figure out life as one-half of J&E Judd, life as a new mom to a very opinionated baby, or even now, when I might be obsessed with running and just keeping my head above water.

All of that out, I am so grateful beyond words for the Atonement. I am thankful that I get to be clumsy or catty, judgmental or just trying, and still can come back from hurting friends, loved ones, passing acquaintances, or strangers because Christ took on their pains because of my actions, and he took on my pains because of immaturity and clumsiness. I hope that I can have patience with myself and patience with others. I hope those from my past will forgive me any arrogance I've shown them. I pray every day for humility. I hope those in my present and future will know that I mean them no harm, even if I hurt them unintentionally.  I hope that I can remember about those around me (even the guy with the unnecessary and vulgar bumper sticker), and that those around me can remember about me that everyone matters. I hope we can give each other the benefit of the doubt, be compassionate, and find ways to help each other when we are hurt.