I am married to what I call a "young professional." He is in his 30's, working in the technology industry at a "9-to-5" job (Oh yes, there's a reason I put that in quotes!) in the prime of his life. He balances work, leisure, self-improvement, and family and he looks dang good doing it. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, but it really hit home last night while at the funeral services of J's friend and co-worker. This man too was a young professional. He was 39 years old, a salesman at J's company, in the prime of his life. He worked hard, played hard, lived life to the fullest, loved his wife, 9 year old daughter and 3 year old son with a passion, and was infinitely positive and happy. The funeral service included a time when anyone in attendance could share thoughts and memories of Terry. His parents and a few of his lifelong friends spoke. He made such an impact on peoples' lives. I couldn't help but wish that at least one of his co-workers would get up and pay tribute to him. There were so many in attendance at the services that knew Terry from work. J considered it but, in the end, decided it was a night just for family and close friends. It really was, but it did get me thinking about the "young professional" as a breed. These men -- my man included -- spend most of their waking hours at work. Their lives, their friendships, their energy, their thoughts revolve around work (well, and if they're male -- sex.) As much as I'd like to think that the kids and I are J's top priority and center of his world, I realize that we are not. We hear quotes like: "You are what you repeatedly do." Well, J works, works, and works some more. And when he's not working, he's working out with people with whom he works. Or he's thinking about work. Or he's thinking about and texting the co-workers with whom he works out about the work-out. Or he's sore from the work-out.
It helped me to realize this. I've had a hard time lately with how much J has been at work. I've teased him at night, asking him if I should get into bed with him and whoever he is texting from work. I've tried to pull his focus back to me and the kids. I've tried and tried, and I've been frustrated and discouraged by my failed efforts. But he is a "young professional." He is work. His friendships are all at work. And somehow, it will all work out.
3 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. Ron is his job and his job is 24/7. I often tell people that I operate like a single mother. When Ron shows up it's a bonus and when he doesn't it's okay. I try to remind myself to be grateful that at least he has a good job! If we can break our husbands away from their jobs, do you want to try for a couples' night in January?!
Yes, Annette. Let's do it!
Oh Esther, I know this feeling too! Although, I have to say, our work is the kids right? SOmetimes I find myself thinking about them when I should be paying attention to my husband when he comes home and tells me about his day (aka, his boring work). Haha.
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